Hard To Say
by Crimson Catastrophe
Summary: The longer you wait the harder it get's to say what you need to, but the truth has to come out sometime. Originally a oneshot, but I'm extending it to what will probably be a threeparter.Read and review, please.I'm addicted.
1. Hard To Say

**Hard To Say**

_Based on the song by **The Used**. Find the lyrics in my profile._

She breezed through most of the performance easily, she'd been through the songs so many times by now that she hardly even had to think about them anymore, she just let the words flow with the music. Then she reached the new song. She'd written it just recently and tonight would be her first time performing it live and truthfully, she wasn't sure that she could. She'd written it for him, not that he'd ever hear it. They'd stopped talking long ago and he would never disgrace himself by coming to one of her shows.

She heard the bass start in the background, then the drums, next the guitarist started playing, and finally it was her turn. She opened her mouth and let the words pour out, a wave of raw emotion threatening to overwhelm her completely. Even now, years later, the memories were still so painful. She fought back tears as she finished the song and closed out her set, but as she walked off the stage she couldn't hold it back anymore.

She wished for nothing more than to just be able to apologize for all of the things that had been said in anger, for all of the things she knew she couldn't take back. But it wasn't just the things she'd said that had driven them apart, it was also the things she hadn't said. Of course, she should have told him she was sorry. She should have, but her pride kept her away. She had convinced herself that it was his fault and that he should be the one to apologize. She may have been one of the most brilliant girls her age back then but she was always wrong right when it mattered the most.

-.-.-.-.-

He watched from the back of the dark club as she finished her set, noticing that the last song was one he'd never heard before. He loved her songs, all of them, but the last one, the new one seemed to touch him on a much deeper level than the others did. She didn't know it, and of course he'd never admit it, but he'd been to every single one of her shows. He always sat in the very back, away from the light so that she couldn't see him. He hated to think of what might happen if she saw him one night sitting in the back, getting lost in her voice.

She hated him now, and how could he blame her? After everything he'd done, he could understand why she hadn't spoken to him in so many years. The truth was, he'd screwed up, but not in the ways he'd always had before. What he'd done was terrible, and what was worse he hadn't even been able to apologize. He'd let her go on for all these years thinking that he didn't care, thinking that all those things he'd said were true, thinking that he'd never… that he'd never loved her.

There were so many things he should have said, should have done, but he never did. He always had been a coward. And once again he was going to let her walk away. He was just going to sit there and watch her leave, because he didn't have the courage to go after her.

The worst thing wasn't even that he'd been afraid, that he could live with. He'd gone his whole life being afraid, it was a part of who he was. No what was even worse than that was the fact that he's lied to her. He'd just been so angry. He'd told her that he hated her. She'd turned then and run away, with tears in her eyes, and he had let her go. He'd let her go then and he was letting her go now. He wanted so badly to tell her he was sorry. He wanted to hold her in his arms, wipe away her tears, and tell her the truth after all these years of letting her believe the lie. He knew he wouldn't though. How could he? Even if he did get over his fear, she'd never forgive him, not after all this time.

He thought about how happy he'd been back then. Back when they were still friends and everything was so easy. He'd been a different person back then, and the truth was that without her he didn't like the person he'd become. At least she was happy, though. He would be okay as long as she was happy.

He finished his drink and stood to leave. He put on his jacket and reached into his pocket. He pulled out the note he'd written to her, the one he'd intended to give her tonight. He read over it again:

**Dear Hermione,**

**I know you can never forgive for the things I've said and done, but I have to tell you the truth. I said so much I didn't mean back then and I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry for all the pain I've caused you. Even though I realize that it's far too late, I have to tell you that I love you. I always have, even when I let you believe that I hated you. I love you more than words can describe and my deepest regret is that, when you turned and ran, with tears in your eyes, that I let you go. I wish now that I'd gone after you, held you in my arms and told you then how much I loved you, but I was afraid. I was a fool and now my only hope is that someday you will forgive me. **

**_Love,_**

**_Ronald Weasley_**

He put it once more back into the envelope with her name written across the front. He walked determinedly to the bar and handed it to the barman. "Can you please give this to her?" he asked him quickly before he lost his nerve. "It's very important."


	2. The Truth

**The Truth**

"Strawberry Daiquiri, please," she told the bartender as she took a seat at the bar. Her set that night had been intense but she had recovered enough to come out for a drink. She didn't usually drink much, she wasn't very fond of alcohol, but she just couldn't resist strawberry daiquiris.

"You were great out there," the barman told her when he brought her drink to her. "I think the gentleman sitting back here must have thought so, too. He asked me to give you this." He pulled an envelope out of his pocket and handed it to her.

"Thank you," she said taking it from him. She looked at the writing on the front of the envelope, studying it for a moment. There was something so familiar about the way they'd written her name. For a moment she thought it looked like… _No, don't be silly_, she told herself. _It couldn't possibly be! _Why would _he_ leave her a letter? But there really was no mistaking his handwriting. She recognized the way the first letter of each word slanted just slightly more than the rest. She had always thought that slightly odd.

She traced over the letters of her name with her fingers before tucking the letter safely inside her purse. It was definitely from him and she really didn't want to read it here. Not with so many people around. She was afraid of what the letter might contain, and how she might react to it. What could he possibly have to say to her after all these years? No, she wouldn't read it until she got home.

"Would you like another?" the bartender asked her some time later after she'd finished her drink.

She started slightly. "What ?" He nodded to her empty cup. Had she finished it already. "Oh, no thank you." She'd been contemplating the letter for some time now. She wasn't even sure she wanted to read it, but she knew she would have to. She had to know what it was he wanted to say to her after so long. She paid for her drink before leaving the bar and going home.

-.-.-.-

Ron could hardly believe that he'd finally gotten up the nerve to give her the letter. Okay, so technically the bartender had given it to her but still at least now she would know the truth. He'd walked out of the bar before she'd had a chance to see him, but he almost wished he hadn't. He couldn't go back now, though. By now she would have gotten the letter and he couldn't face her if she'd read it, he was too much of a coward for that.

_Will she even read it? _he wondered. Or would she just throw it away? He wouldn't blame her if she did, she had every reason to hate him. Somehow, though, he still hoped that she would find it in her heart to give him this one last chance. That she would just read the letter.

-.-.-.-

Her apartment was small, but it didn't bother her as she was the only one living there. She had everything she needed, a small kitchen, a living room, one bedroom, and a tiny bathroom.

She sat down on her couch and pulled the letter out, staring at it nervously. This was it, the moment of truth. She opened it slowly dreading what news it might bring. Had something happened to one of the Weasleys? It had been a long time since she'd seen any of them, they'd lost contact after her falling out with Ron, but she'd be devastated if anything had happened to any of them. She pulled out the short, messy letter and read it carefully.

She set it down gently on the coffee table in front of her, the short message burning in her mind. He _loved _her? She wasn't sure what she'd been expecting when she'd opened the letter but this certainly wasn't it. Maybe, somewhere deep inside she'd _hoped _for this but she'd stopped believing it was possible years ago.

_Why now? _she wondered. After so many years why had he chosen _now_ to finally tell her. It'd been a long time since she'd run away from him and she wasn't sure if he could still catch her, if she could trust him to. He'd hurt her so badly. She wasn't sure she fall again, with only a dream to catch her.


End file.
